[eDebate] 2nd Annual ADI Fellows Pong Tournament (results better late than never)

[Brett Wallace]

THE ROAD GOES ON FOREVER AND FELLOWS AVOIDING WORK
NEVER ENDS. 
  
Tempe, AZ, August 10th, 2005 

GOOD EVENING MR. AND MRS. NORTH AND SOUTH AMERICA AND
ALL SHIPS AT SEA, LET'S GO TO PRESS. 

The 29th or 30th or 31st, not sure which, (Greg seems
not to be able to remember either) Arizona debate
institute hosted its second annual ADI Fellows pong
tournament. 

Setup: Four prelims occurred, with two flights each
and three games going at once. The Tournament broke to
Quarters. Once again, Chris Theile ran tab. 

******** Disclaimer: all names and events in this
report—even those that seem to reference real people –
are entirely fictional. All debater voices are
impersonated
poorly. The following report contains
language and jokes that due to their content should
not be viewed by anyone*********

Round The First: 

Ryan, “Adam Farra didn’t dress me this morning I
promise” Smith def. Nick, “Dude, I promise
I’m
actually a fellow” Borman 
Brett, “Do you think I can hit Wallace on the head
with this can from up here?” Bricker, def. Luis, “This
debate is also being broadcast on Telemundo” Magallon
Jimmy, “It was a clown CONVENTION, not college”
Durkee, def. Chris, “I’m actually Sean Power’s half
brother” Jones
Chris, “I’ve never seen a Disney movie” Theile, def.
Andrew, “850 dollars” Jennings
Brett, “Patton, I know that was you booing when I got
a speaker award” Wallace def. John, “I’m, John, from
Wake heh, heh” Patton
Angelo, “I will post on myspace to confirm this story”
def. Phil, “I won’t be alive by round 4” Rappumund 

Before round two JW Patterson himself was rounded up
and brought into the competition room to read us the
pairings NDT style. After requests to turn the stereo
down and everybody to be quiet, the pairings were
read, upon departure, everyone was once again informed
by Dr. Patterson that “you can’t always get what you
want.”

Round the Second:

Nick, “Hey man, there’s a beverage here!” Borman def.
Chris, “Oh shit, it’s the federalis” Jones.
Brett, “I’ve changed my opinion of Kansas” Wallace
def. Brett, “Adam stop biting me!” Bricker
Jimmy, “My full name is Jimmy Donald Durkee which is
funny in of itself” Durkee def. Ryan, “I’m too good
for a 40 year old women” Smith
Luis “I could take Ray Mysterio Jr.” Magallon def.
Andrew, “I could have bought a  computer” Jennings
Phil “Dude, wanna do some shots of gin?” Rappumund
def. John, “What room are we in?” Patton
Chris, “Their patriarchy impact is non unique, just
look at <insert debater here> ” Theile  def. Angelo,
“I have more mojo than Vinny Chase” Theodosopoulos 

Round the Third:

Andrew, “WOOF!” Jennings def. Nick, “Hey Patton I bet
I could do less work than you” Bormon
Brett, “I didn’t know what a re-rack was in the demo
debate” Bricker def. Phil, “One more round until I
can’t stand” Rappumund
Brett, “I will never make fun of Durkee for being
double ones again
.after this next line” Wallace def.
Jimmy, “The Double One Stunner” Durkee
Chris, Jones def. John, “I’m only the 2nd fellow to
ever have a file rejected” Patton
Luis, “Wow im actually pretty good at pong”  Magallon
def. Angelo, “The things I say are too ridiculous to
be a nickname” Theodosopoulos
Chris, “I like when people call me master” Theile def.
Ryan, “I’m in a new catalog spread” Smith

Round the Fourth:

Jimmy, “Don’t group me with these assholes” Durkee def
Nick “I am Frap’s illegitimate child” Borman
Brett, “I had never played pong before a week ago
”
Bricker def Angelo, “I started talking dirty”
“Theosodopoulos
Chris, “TJ”,  Jones def. Andrew “Man it was totally
worth it” Jennings
Luis, “this round is a lay-up”  Magallon def. Phil
“Don’t make me play with water!” Rappumund
Ryan, “I look like I go to USC” Smith def. John, “I’m
going to play sitting down this game” Patton 
Brett, “goddamit why did I spend 30 minutes posting
this instead of cutting more cards” Wallace def.
Chris, “The rest of my team is in a different city”
Theile 

Speaker Awards:

Jimmy Durkee 49 pnts H/L 23
Brett, “since when was the top speaker determined on
total points and not H/L” Wallace 48 pnts H/L 24
Luis Magallon 44 H/L 24

Elimination Rounds:

Quarters:
Angelo, “Upsets in the Quarters are so frat”
Theodosopoulos def. Brett, “The illuminati screwed me”
Wallace
Brett, “
But it doesn’t matter
” Bricker, def. Chris
“Jonah took advantage of me” Theile
Jimmy, “I cut more Foucault books at the ADI then I
have K books in my life” Durkee def. Ryan “I’m tired
of coming up with nicknames” Smith
Luis  “I’m not going to advocate Supreme court action”
Magallon def. Chris “omri is a terrorist for thinking
‘Seri’ is legit” Jones 

Semis:
Brett “
because im am still going to
” Bricker def.
Angelo, “I’m going to be top speaker at the KYRR”
Theodosopoulos
Jimmy, “Dude I promise
im not a K debater” Durkee def.
Luis “insert joke about losing on framework here”
Magallon

Finals:
Brett “
win this tournament anyways” Bricker def Jimmy
“CHOKE” Durkee




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